Heart of doubt

K. Latuconsina
2 min readAug 25, 2023

In all honesty, I’ve often wondered if there’s a person out there meant to genuinely, deeply fall in love with me. It’s not that I see myself as unattractive or dull, or even impolite or unpleasant. Sure, there might be traces of those traits in me, like there are in everyone. But I don’t believe those things make me undeserving of love.

It’s more about this feeling that I’m not inherently extraordinary. I can’t help but question how someone could look at me and feel that urge to unravel the layers of my existence. To truly want to learn everything about me, every piece that has contributed to shaping who I am.

How could anyone be so captivated by thoughts of me that they find solace in my memory as they drift into slumber? It’s almost fantastical, like those scenes from romance novels where a single thought of the girl’s scent sends the protagonist into a passionate trance. It’s as if her mere presence has the power to eclipse the world around them.

But then comes the nagging doubt: why would someone ever feel that strongly about me? To yearn for my essence to the point of wanting to erase those who come close. It’s an intense sentiment, one that feels far removed from the realm of possibility in my reality.

In a world where grand gestures and overwhelming infatuation are often romanticized, I can’t help but question my own worthiness. Why would anyone go to such lengths for me? It’s a question that echoes in the recesses of my mind, casting shadows of uncertainty over the idea of being cherished to such an extraordinary extent.

Yet, perhaps that’s the beauty of love — the inexplicable, the irrational, and the unforeseen. Maybe, just maybe, the remarkable act of loving someone is about finding the extraordinary in the ordinary, in the simple threads that weave us together. Perhaps it’s about being seen, understood, and valued in a way that defies logic.

So, as I navigate these thoughts, I remind myself that love is a complex tapestry, and perhaps, in someone’s eyes, I’m more special than I dare to believe. Perhaps, one day, I’ll come to realize that I am, indeed, worthy of a love that’s as unique and extraordinary as the pages of a cherished romance novel.

inspired by my best friend’s anxiety

--

--